why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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