you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
