Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
did i walk over a car last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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