i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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