I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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