I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize