Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
