i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
