imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
