we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My life is pants optional.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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