All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
