some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
