I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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