hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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