I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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