things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
