i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
