how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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