So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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