Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize