I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have aggressive nipples.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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