Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
as a side note pls kill me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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