Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
