my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
