The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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