Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
