last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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