It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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