A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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