That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
