I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
