if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
