IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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