I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
