why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
