Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
