Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
