Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
