real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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