well you can't waste a boner
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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