i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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