you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
