i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
