The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
