i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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