So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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