Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Your dad touched me again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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