my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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