Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
