my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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