i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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