it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
