don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
