I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
soo... how was my night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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