You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
