I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
