Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
