Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
