I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
