my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
