I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
