it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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