he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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